


love hard, love fierce

by anythingbutplatonic



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: 6.6.19, Angst, Discussion of Death, Family feelings, Fluff, Funerals, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Lisa's funeral, Lots of tears, M/M, My own as well as theirs, Off-screen death (Lisa), grief and mourning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-07
Updated: 2019-06-07
Packaged: 2020-04-12 06:37:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,818
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19126603
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anythingbutplatonic/pseuds/anythingbutplatonic
Summary: With the comforting presence of his husband and son at his side, Aaron finally reads the letter that Lisa left for him.





	love hard, love fierce

Seb spotted Aaron before Robert did; his little face breaking into an animated smile over the top of the bench where he stood, bouncing with his arms outstretched, and let out a joyful squeal that carried on the slight breeze as Aaron approached them. The sight of his gorgeous stepson, the bright head of hair and dimpled cheeks, was a warming tonic to the stone that felt like it had settled in his chest since the funeral that morning. Turning round to see what Seb was so excited by, Robert broke into a matching smile of his own when he saw Aaron coming, one hand steadying the little boy while he reached over the back of the bench to take Aaron’s hand wordlessly in the other, rubbing his thumb over his knuckles in a gentle, soothing touch. 

Aaron let out a deep breath he wasn’t even conscious he was holding inside him, feeling the line of his shoulders drop and relax as soon as he had Robert’s palm, warm and soft, in his own. The park was empty save for a few seagulls pecking at the grass and ducks floating on the water of the small pond, and Aaron bent to press a kiss first to the top of Robert’s head, then Seb’s, who gurgled a little giggle at the feeling of his dad’s rough stubble against the tender skin of his forehead. 

“Hey,” Robert said softly. “If i’’m honest, I didn’t think I’d see you till later.”

“Neither did I,” Aaron admitted, coming to sit next to him on the bench and scooping up Seb into his lap, who immediately buried himself in Aaron’s jumper, little fingers gripping the lapels of his jacket. He scooted closer, needing to physically feel Robert close to him, to inhale his scent and allow it to alleviate the heaviness he felt in his stomach and chest, the grief curling up in his throat. He stroked the soft hair over Seb’s forehead gently, rocking him as he added, “It got a bit much. The wake, I mean. Just needed to see ya. And this little guy,” he blew a wet raspberry on Seb’s cheek, making him laugh again. The sound was like bells, sweet and infectious. 

Robert made a sympathetic noise, wrapping his arm around Aaron and pulling him in closer, resting his cheek against his husband’s temple and gently rubbing soothing circles into the top of his arm. “I wish I could’ve been there for ya today,” he said. “It’s just, well, funerals and fussy babies don’t really mix, especially since Bex reckons Seb’s started teething, so I didn’t want to spoil it by being the bloke with the screaming infant ruining the eulogy.”

“It was a nice ceremony,” Aaron said. “Charity shared some old stories about Lisa, and Belle read a out poem she wrote, bless ‘er. It must have been so hard for her to do that in front of everyone. They even brought her into the church in the old Dingle van, if ya can believe that.”

“What, that decrepit old thing you showed me ages ago?” Robert asked disbelievingly, eyebrows shooting up into his hairline. “The one that’s got about an inch of dust on it and covered in scratches?”

“Yep,” Aaron replied. “The very same. It seemed to fit, Lisa being who she was an’ all that. You better not put me in it, though, when my time comes, or I might just come back to life and kill ya.”

“Oh, I wouldn’t dream of it,” Robert laughed a little, scraping his nails through the soft hair at the back of Aaron’s neck, making him wriggle and stretch contentedly with a sigh, adjusting Seb a bit so that he was tucked into the crook of his shoulder. “Only the best for my beautiful husband, who’ll get the best send-off the village has ever seen, you mark my words.”

“There better be a pig race, though,” Aaron said nonchalantly. 

“Okay, now I can’t tell whether you’re windin’ me up or not,” Robert scoffed. He tickled Seb under the chin, making him twist and try to squirm away, and lowered his voice conspiratorially. “What do you say, little man? Is your daddy Aaron havin’ me on?”

“I am not!” Aaron protested. “There were three of ‘em, and our Spamela won, didn’t she? Won by miles. And you wanted to make her into a bacon sandwich,” he tutted, reminding him of the time when Belle’s sow had crashed at their home for the night, then gone walkabout in the village making them both fear Belle’s wrath. He looked down at the little boy. “That’s not very nice of daddy Robert, is it Seb, hmm?”

“Da!” Seb squealed, which quite frankly could have meant anything as he’d only barely begun babbling yet, but Aaron took it as an agreement and smirked at Robert triumphantly. 

“Sounds like a great way to celebrate her life,” Robert said sincerely. “I think I like that idea. Focusing on the fun, good things rather than her loss, even though you’re all going to really miss her.”

“Lydia gave me this,” Aaron said, reaching into his pocket and pulling out an envelope bordered with green and purple flowers,  _Aaron_  written on the front in Lisa’s neat writing. “Lisa left one for each of us, my mum, Debbie, Cain, Sam, Charity....but I just couldn’t face readin’ mine without ya.”

“Can I?” Robert asked, reaching for it, and Aaron handed it over without hesitation. With a nod from Aaron, he opened it, taking out the sheets of paper that were carefully folded inside. “Do you want me to - shall I read it out to you?”

A hard lump in his throat, his palms tingling, Aaron nodded. “Please.” He held Seb a little closer, feeling his soft baby breath on his neck, as Robert unfolded the first page and started to read.

_Dear Aaron,_

_My love, there’s no-one who epitomises what it means to be a Dingle more than you. You’ve endured so much, and had so much heartache in such a young life, that to see you come out of it fighting and ready for anything makes me so, so proud. My only regret is that I won’t get to see you enjoy this next chapter with your wonderful husband, gorgeous little Sebastian, and the children Chas tells me you two are hoping to have sometime in the near future._

_To have suffered the way that you have, is more than anyone could possibly bear in their lifetime. But you’ve put us all to shame with the way you’ve handled some of the worst experiences imaginable, and still be such a kind, gentle, loving young man who would do anything for his family and who is capable of so much love. Whatever happened to that little scrap of a lad always getting into trouble, eh? I’ll tell you what happened. He grew up into an amazing man who found his place in the world, and went after what he wanted most without fear or shame._

_I was never able to make it to your wedding, but your mum sent me some photos in the post afterwards, and the happiness radiating out from you with your Robert at your side took my breath away. What a lovely couple you two really are, so happy and content with each other, so at peace now that you’ve found each other. In a way, you reminded me of how I and your Uncle Zak have felt all these years, despite and including the time we spent apart. I know you haven’t had the most conventional or easy relationship, but true love always finds its way, and the two of you have something so few of us get to experience - a soulmate._

_So cherish him, Aaron. Cherish each other. Love your son and all your children to come. Remind him every day just what he means to you, and hope and trust that he will do the same when it matters most. Love hard and love fierce like I know you can, like the Dingle I know you are._

_All my love,_

_Lisa_

By the time Robert reached the end of the letter, Aaron was gripping his hand so tightly his wedding ring was in danger of creating a permanent welt in Robert’s palm; tears splashed down his face as he squeezed Seb to his chest, inhaling his warm baby smell as he fought to control the aching sobs trying to push their way out of him. He hadn’t cried at the funeral, not even really when he’d been told Lisa had died, but hearing her words now, the words she’d written just for him, had brought it all spilling forward in an avalanche he didn’t know how to stop. 

But Robert was there, solid and unyielding, and that made everything just that little bit more bearable, hugging Aaron close and blinking through his own tears as he murmured in his ear, _“Aaron, Aaron, I love you so much. It’s okay. I love you.”_

What would he ever do without this man? 

“ _I love ya, too_ ,” Aaron said hoarsely. “And I mean, Lisa said it all for me in that letter, it’s scary how much she knows, but - you’re  _it_ for me, ya know?”

“I know,” Robert affirmed, nodding slowly and pressing a firm kiss to Aaron’s temple. One hand came up to stroke through Seb’s hair again, the little boy snuggling further into Aaron, rubbing his cheek against the fabric of his jumper. “I know, Aaron. I always know. And I’m sorry I haven’t made it as clear as I should have, these last few weeks. All this Vic stuff, it’s messed with my head...I took you for granted. That wasn’t right. I love ya too much.”

“Not as much as I love you,” Aaron murmured quietly. “Soft idiot.”

“Sentimental muppet,” Robert quipped back. Carefully, he folded Lisa’s letter back into its envelope, and tucked it into the pocket of his coat for safekeeping. He reached behind himself, pulling out a small bag of what looked like bird seed. “Want to help me and Seb finish feeding the ducks before it’s time for me to take him back?”

“Absolutely,” Aaron agreed. “Wouldn’t miss it for the world, would I?”

Robert stood, holding out his hand for Aaron’to take; he did so, holding on tight, Seb perched on one hip with his arms round Aaron’s neck. He walked them down to the edge of the pond, the three of them in unison; they made quite the little family unit, Robert and Aaron holding hands, Aaron with his arm securely round Seb, who was giggling and shrieking “Uck! Uck!” as they took turns to throw handfuls of seed into the water. Watching with delight as the ducks rushed towards the food and tackled each other, each wanting the biggest share for themselves.


End file.
